August 17, 2005 | Life
Or: How Gippy stunk up the neighborhood
I’m not sure how to start this one. It could end up being funny but I don’t think I’m that good of a story teller. But here’s my best shot:
I didn’t get around to mowing the lawn last weekend due to a stomach bug that took me by storm. With all the rain we’d been getting lately I figured I should get it done today. And all went well from the pooper scoopin’ right up to the clean up. The cleanup started OK but a decision that I had made 3 weeks ago came back to haunt me and the neighbors.
I had finished raking up the clippings (we use an old-school push mower) and was ready to take the trash out when the crisis started. It started rather innocently: I couldn’t get the trash bag out of the barrel. This is typical since these trash bags are rarely sturdy enough to handle a full load. I figure I’ve got it all in line when I tip over the trash barrel to dump the tied off bag onto the walk.
And that’s when disaster struck
What I didn’t realize was that over the past 3 or 4 weeks the previously discarded clippings and dog poop had been composting in this trash bin and that the bin was half full of what was now super nasty, very smelly, sewer water.
The trash bag comes out of the bin easy enough and then starts leaking the noxious water. But its too late to keep it all in the barrel. The only way out of this is to purge all of the water from the trash bag so that I can lift it back into the barrel and then drag the barrel around the garage.
Reluctantly I start pushing the greenish brown water from the bag and realize that I’m creating a marsh. A stinky green marsh right under the kitchen window. A feat that hadn’t gone unnoticed. The monkey asks me through the kitchen window if one of the dogs had just made a stinky poopie.
If only that were the case.
Gettin’ dirty and stinky
While the water is draining from the garbage bag I decide to go and get the hose so that I can spread out the sewer a bit and possibly get it to absorb into the ground a bit faster. But by the time I’m back with the hose the dogs have found the mess and are, you guessed it, lapping it up.
I spray down the dogs to get them to go away and spray the puddles to spread them out a bit and to hopefully dilute the sewer water. I don’t think it did much good. I probably just made more stinky grass-like-area (the lawn back there was long since dead – eaten by a lawn fungus I think).
Do the nasty bit
Now that a good deal of water has drained from the bag I can pick it up and put it back into the barrel. Only the bag is now surrounded by swamp water and the bag itself is wet and oozing. I have to bite the bullet and swallow my vomit to pick up the bag and put it back into the barrel. It goes willingly but not without splashing all of me on the way in.
I quickly pull the barrel around the corner and behind the garage. Though the damage has now been done I want the source of the smell gone. Well, the bag was now pretty tame as all the stink was now on the lawn. I try to wash it around some more, try to dilute it, but I don’t think I did a lick of good.
People walk by the yard and I can see their faces as they hit the smell. That was actually rather amusing though. A bright spot in my cleanup duties.
Inside the house we couldn’t smell anything. A fan pointed out of the kitchen window helped that significantly. But upon returning from our evening walk with the boys the smell was as strong as when I first discovered my mistake. I hope it doesn’t take too long to go away and I hope the dogs don’t decide to roll around in it all day tomorrow. I really have no way of keeping them off it besides locking them inside all day long – and we can’t really do that. On top of all the smell and shame I think my tennis shoes are ruined.
So if anyone asks what that dreadful smell is, just tell them that Gippy is a moron. They’ll probably understand.