May 26, 2015 | Cancer, Chemo Day
Hair loss is in full swing. My head is the worst. It got very patchy and had to be shaved down again. The rest of my body is actually thinning out nicely and not getting patchy. Its kinda weird how that’s going.
Today another week of infusions start. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it. I don’t think a day by day is necessary for this round. I think every day is gonna be shitty. I started to feel a bit icky at the end of last week, but that might have been psychosomatic or possibly me just being worn out a bit from my Sister and Mother coming out for a visit. I much appreciated having some time to just hang out with them but 4 days ended up being a bit much.
I miss my brain. Chemo brain seems to have taken a pretty good hold on me. I have little attention span and motivation to do things wanes quickly. It is frustrating as hell because I can wake up one day excited that I feel like doing something and a few hours later I just wanna go back to bed. I’m not too bad if I force myself to go out in the world and just take a walk, or go out to dinner, but my brain tires quicker than by body and I’m ready to go home before I’d like. I think this is the part that I hate the most. Feeling like an invalid. Not feeling like I can overcome the desire to just flop down instead of going outside (granted the cold weather hasn’t helped).
Andy joked that we only had 15 days of chemo left. I don’t think that I can count the days. Even if I break it down to “only 5 days left in this round” because the effects go on for so much longer. I’m just teasing myself to think that I’m free after day 5. I can’t think of a good way to look forward and find something good to use as motivation other than to think that at this time next year this will be a (hopefully) distant memory, and to be grateful that I’m lucky that I’ll likely be done with this for good after its all done.
Okay, that’s enough woe for now.
Update: it turns out that my feeling a bit icky is probably due to my white blood cell count being VERY low. We are now on heightened watch to keep everything clean and to keep me away from germs. Yay?
This post is part of the thread: The Wailing Wookiee – an ongoing story on this site. View the thread timeline for more context on this post.